Dunkin In The Pool
Dunkin, my one year old jack russell terrier, has overcome his fear of diving into the pool with flying colors!
The only hitch to this is that we've created a monster. Now he's obsessed with being in the pool - at all times. The days of carelessly floating on the pool float with only the whispers of a soft breeze and the dangling of toes in the cool, refreshing water are over. Any attempt at a moment of relaxation on the float is quickly interrupted with the sounds of a splash.
Followed by this:
How can you not love that face?
Hellamarketers
This complaint is nothing new: Telemarketers.
I appreciate the fact that these people are simply making a living. I'm sure they have bills to pay and mouths to feed just like the rest of us. That doesn't change the fact that they annoy the hell out of me.
Take tonight for example. I will be going in to work tonight at 10pm. I made an attempt around 7:30pm to lay down and possibly get a couple hours of rest before having to head out to work. Impossible. The phone kept ringing...and ringing... Finally, at one point, I picked it up and yelled "quit calling!" and slammed the phone down.
I actually got rid of my home phone about a year ago and decided to use my cell phone exclusively. My better half's parents stay with us for a few months out of the year and had the home phone hooked up again.
And the calls began.
They have an vowel filled Italian last name - which the telemarketers trip over each and every time. The recent trend has been that when the answering machine picks up, they ask if Mr. xxxxx is home. First off, if you can't tell that the voice you heard is a fricking answering machine, then you don't deserve to access such an advanced device as a telephone. This is how you make your living and you can't distinguish the words "leave a message at the tone" from "hello?". You have issues. Secondly, I kinda have a clue that perhaps you want to sell something when you completely butcher up the name beyond recognition. Perhaps I should begin telemarking some "hooked on phonics" your way.
Furthermore, I propose that a law be passed that should said telemarketer fail to properly pronounce the name of the individual whom they are calling, that they shall be held liable for no less than 2x their annual salary for damages.
Next time they call I think I'll pick up. I think I'll tell them that I want to buy whatever they are selling and do they accept Visa? I will then tell them to hold on while I go get my card. Then I'll just leave the phone off the hook while they sit there waiting.. and go take a nap.
The Office Slap
You'll need to read the prior blog entry to get it.
It Doesn't Work Both Ways
You ever notice how guys refer to their friends as "buddies"? Women don't do that. We don't have buddies - we have girlfriends. Imagine your burly male co-worker telling you that after work he's "going to the bar with his boyfriends". You'd undoubtedly be asking him for decorating tips and buying him broadway show tickets for Christmas.
Heterosexual women can hold hands and nobody thinks twice about it. Guys can't do that. It just doesn't look right. There will be no hand holding with your buddies!
Sports gives the guys at least some room to work with in the form of the tolerated butt slap. Just please leave it on the field. When Bob at the office lands that big account, it is just not okay for Dave to slap his ass and say "good job!".
Men own the motorcycle world. I don't care what anyone says. Stick a chick on a bike and you have yourself an instant lesbian.
Women can shop in the men's clothing department. It's sexy when an attractive looking woman wears a sports jersey or boxers. That skirt just still doesn't look right on Dave - especially when he's slapping Bob in the ass.
To My Dear Car Thief
Dear fellow lover of car audio,
Thank you for taking the time to break into my car last night. I hope that my amp and subwoofer are to your liking. The sad truth of the matter is that (as far as I could tell) the subwoofer is blown and the left channel of the amp went all shades of screwy. Hopefully you will have better luck with it than I did.
Truthfully, I actually appreciate how neatly you removed it from my car. You carefully unscrewed and unplugged the connections. I thought that was very thoughtful, as most people would have just made one ugly cut.
I see you found the spare change in my ashtray. May it provide you with many happy returns from Taco Bell.
What was wrong with my Palm Pilot in the shopping bag sitting in the passenger seat? Just because it's not color, it wasn't good enough for you? If you want it - seriously, you can have it. I had it in there because I was going to give it away to someone at work, but everyone either had one or wasn't interested. Give me a holler if you change your mind.
I saw you found the broken glove compartment. You should probably try to close it next time. Your mama didn't raise no slob, I'm sure! Please always remember to keep your good manners in tact all the way through. I don't really know if I'm missing anything else. I really only noticed the amp and subwoofer. If you need help with anything, give me a holler.
I hope you liked the note I left on the window for you. If I get any better equipment to replace the broken ones you now have, I'll give you a holler if you leave your name and number.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Retail Sitcom
I'm watching the news the other night and in the background of one of their interviews I spot a cashier in a partial lean against the counter flipping through the pages of a magazine. "Productivity at it's finest", I thought to myself. Although in all honesty, if I was 20 again (OH if I was 20 again!!!) I can't guarantee that I wouldn't be doing the same thing. But I digress here....
So I'm watching this girl and I notice that a customer gets into her line. The first thing I see is a bag of doritos making its way down the conveyor belt. It stopped just prior to the scanner. I could almost sense that the Doritos were holding their breath in anticipation of the cashier picking them up, scanning them and sending them on their way. And what happened? She flipped the page of the magazine!
Now I'm thinking, "Wouldn't it be funny if she picked up the bag, opened it, started eating the Doritos while continuing to read the magazine - all with the guest just standing there in utter amazement???".
This is the stuff that good sitcoms are made of - why are there no good retail based sitcom out there?
Finally. I thought the day would never come - or that I wouldn't be able to hang on until it did. My favorite reality show, Big Brother, returns on CBS.
Funny thing is that when reality shows first became the big thing (with the launch of Survivor), I was appalled. I wanted nothing to do with them and couldn't believe that society had sunk to such a low level of entertainment. Then along came the first season of Big Brother. This was the beginning of my demise.
Seeing the first season previews, I again thought "have we been reduced to this?". I decided that I would watch an episode just so I could have some basis to hold myself in a higher regard than the rest of society (since certainly I would be immediately turned off to what reality tv represented). Boy, was I wrong. I got reeled in hook, line and sinker. Since then, I've been over the top: American Idol, Big Brother, Survivor - you name it. Season after season, hour after mind numbing hour. I actually plan my social activities around the episodes air times. I've been contaminated!
Looking forward to season 5 of Big Brother. Last season was quite an interesting twist with the ex-factor. I just hope they don't try so hard to one-up it that they end up making the show appear corny or staged (well, not that it isn't somewhat of them both.... but it's at least subtle). To date, I think Big Brother 3 was my favorite so far. Lisa rocked.
I don't know what made me think of it. Last night I laid down in bed ready to go to sleep - and out of nowhere *whap* it smacks me upside the head: http://www.halfthedeck.com/html/Peas-Treaty.html
I mean, seriously, who thinks about peas when they're trying to go to sleep? I don't even like peas - or most vegetables for that matter.
Mom, just how many times did you drop me on my head during my childhood?
Back To Work
Two weeks ago today, I was uprooted from my familiar home soil in South Florida to fly out to San Diego California. The weather was perfect - a beautiful 85 degrees, with no humidity (which is quite unfamiliar to me now that I've lived in South Florida for some time). My co-worker and I had been flown out there to give a presentation at a meeting being held at the Hotel del Coronado. Our presentation lasted all of about 30 minutes and we were flying ten feet above the clouds after we realized how we had pulled off giving an absolutely flawless presentation.
We found ourselves with the entire day at our disposal and decided to live it up a little and head south for a day of exploration in Mexico. It couldn't have been any more perfect.
The following day we spent walking through Old Town, visiting the critters at San Diego Zoo... and basically just seeing the best of what San Diego has to offer.
No sooner did the California fun begin... I found myself in seat 35D with my tray table up and my seatbelt securely fastened, heading back to Florida. Normally, this would have been a somewhat somber occasion - but I was more than fine with this seeing as though I was actually returning only to begin a week's vacation at home!
And what a week it was! I love taking vacation time. I really do. Especially the ones where you have nothing particular planned - which was exactly what this one was all about. I did a few cartoons, lounged out by the pool, got caught up on some computer work. Life was great.
Fast forward to today.
Back to work. Gone are the nights playing xbox until 4am. Farewell to the nightly 10pm cup of coffee. Actually, on that topic - you know, that is truly what defines my wild side these days - having caffeine past 6pm. Talk about getting old! 10 years ago I would have thought nothing about driving an hour to go to clubs with my friends, pull an all nighter, then drive back to town and go straight to work. Today, I whine if I don't get my standard 7 hours of sleep, feel it is a violation of my human rights if I have to work a late shift one night followed by an early shift the next day.
Actually, the first day back went fairly well. Definitely flew by, that's for sure.... but nothing's as good as being home. People talk about how if they won the lottery they'd still go to work. Not me. Well, actually that's true and not true - I wouldn't GO to work, but would gladly stay home and work. Big difference. But until the house is paid off and the bills are to a minimum, that's not gonna happen.
So for me, for now...it's back to work.
I've Gone Mad
So my family pretty much thinks I've lost my marbles. None of them have computers, so every once in a while I'll take the time to print out some of the Half The Deck cartoons I've scribbled out. I've managed to get a pretty good chuckle out of them since I started this little hobby of mine.
This last one seemed to hit a particular funny bone - but also has convinced them that any amount of intellect that I could have ever possibly wished to emerge has now been lost forever. Here's what I sent them:
I didn't think it was that bad...
Vacation Blues
Today marks the last day of a week long vacation. I've been now reduced to the hourly countdown. I have approximately 7 more waking hours to enjoy the fact that I'm not at work. I'm nearly to the point of trying to think of boring things to do just to ensure the time moves as slowly as possible.
By tomorrow at this time, it will be as though my vacation never existed and I'll be plunged back into the daily 10 hour grind. My employer is darn lucky I have bills to pay!
